Freedom
by thoughtsofanonymous
Summary: It had been a few days since Milah had watched the sight of the miserable Rumplestiltskin vanish over the horizon. She has been haunted by the memory of his words, "What am I going to tell my boy?" She seeks solitude one night to gather her thoughts alone on deck. The Captain, who had become keen on provoking her anger, notices her presence from afar and approaches her.


_ The stars are vividly bright at sea_, she thought to herself. The woman sat on a damp weighted barrel and tried counting the stars to find solace. It did her no good. A strong cold gust of wind rushed through her and her tarnished garments, which were heavily soaked in salt water. Her body uncontrollably shook from the bitterness of the winter night. In the silence of being alone on deck, she found it difficult not to allow her painful memories to stray into the forefront of her thoughts. The animated memory of her sweet little boy stung like a sharp impaled blade in her gut. Her dear little boy...

She gasped in the cold salty air as her insides began to tremble with an inconsolable sadness.

"It isn't safe to be up here alone at night," a low composed voice interjected through her silence. The woman turned to eventually spot the Captain of the ship lingering in the shadow of the deck stairwell. She quickly wiped away any watery trails along her cheeks to face the man properly. The Captain observed her actions from afar with curiosity. She stood rigidly as he slowly crept out of the shadows and onto the deck towards her.

"What are you doing up here?" His eyes curiously narrowed.

"I was just getting a bit of fresh air," she spoke hesitantly.

"During this hour of the night?" The Captain raised his eyebrow at her.

She finally found the strength to look him in the eyes. Observing his cynical smirk, she knew that even the Captain could not comfort her lingering guilt. Unable to find words, she turned her back to him completely.

"Lass?" He spoke up, desiring an explanation from this strange woman that he knew very little about.

She didn't answer. She tried to block his voice out, along with the sound of the surging gusts of sea spray and the crashing of waves against the ship. She wanted silence. The Captain chuckled at her stubbornness to speak. He found her audacious behavior refreshing from having spent so long with the rabble of sea dogs below deck.

"Are you regretting your decision?" He finally asked. _Was she? _she thought to herself.

Looking back on that fateful afternoon, she remembered the blind rage and disgust that coursed through her. She remembered the sight of that pathetic man kneeling on deck whimpering for mercy. He was unable to even pick up a sword for her. Her nose shriveled up in revulsion.

She was then reminded of that stout little boy that waited for her at home. The little boy she had abandoned. By leaving him, she knew that he was fated to a life with his miserable father, Rumplestiltskin. His name brought a sickening taste of bile into her mouth.

"Lass-"

"Stop referring to me as Lass," she finally spat out through her teeth. "I have a name."

The Captain was intrigued by this woman's outright boldness towards him. "Yes I suppose you do. But while you remain on my ship you shall be referred to whatever my dear little heart desires," he smiled playfully. Normally she would give him a threatening glare, a sound of disgust or even a slap, but tonight she did nothing but stoically stare into the dark sea. He frowned with dissatisfaction. Considering the company of the proud mindless crewmates he has kept for many years, he realized that he didn't know how to console other people. He had never tried.

"Some gentleman you are," she muttered bitterly. Another strong gust of wind swept over the deck of the ship and violently whipped the woman's hair into the air. The Captain gratefully caught the brief scent of land that still lingered on her body. He smirked and grabbed her shoulder to pull her around to face him head on.

He was anticipating fiery squinted eyes of repugnance that he had gotten used to seeing, though instead her eyes were wide and sparkling from the tears building at the crevices. In the moonlight they shined like two clear freshwater oases. At that moment he could not find a scrap of witty banter to feed her with. He was speechless and trapped by the sight of this newly discovered fragility. As the Captain stood there enamored by the tragic beauty of this woman's face, her attention drifted to the sky beyond him. Her features softened.

"Merchants and sailors used to tell me about the beauty of the sky out at sea. They'd say there wasn't a sight more beautiful than anything in the world," she half-heartedly recited her fascination with a hint of bitter irony in her voice. The Captain watched her turn away from him, again, and lean against the railing of the ship overlooking vast blackness. He silently stood beside her, his gaze enveloped on her indescribable facade.

"Those were the tales that made me yearn to get away. Hearing of such beauties beyond my sad, pathetic life made it impossible to stay," she muttered quietly. It wasn't clear to either of them whether she was really talking to the Captain or if she was just thinking inwardly.

"I lost sight of it all," she exclaimed. "The more stories I heard, the more I wanted to break free." A stray tear dropped from her eyelash onto the damp wooden railing.

Without any thought, the Captain reached over and gently wiped the remnants of the tear from her warm cheek. He quickly pulled his hand back, stunned by his behavior. Her fragile eyes finally shifted its gaze back to him again and paralyzed him where he stood. _God those eyes_, he thought.

"Is this really what freedom ought to feel like?" she whimpered, finally letting go of her masked pain and revealing her inner suffering.

At that moment she didn't care that the Captain of the ship knew her regret for leaving her son behind. She found something in his fearful eyes that strangely gave her comfort.

"I think..." he finally cleared his throat, "it would be good for you to get some rest." And just in that second, all of that vulnerability vanished from her face. She recomposed herself back into rigid perfection and any traces of visible fear sunk deep into the depths of her complexion. She quickly dragged her forearm across her face catch away anything left behind. She gave a single nod and turned away from him. He stood there and watched as she hastily made her way toward the trap door that led below.

"Good night... Milah." The way he said her name sent shivers up her spine. It was the first time she had gotten him to actually say it instead of 'lass' or 'darling.' She looked back at the Captain still leaning against the rails of his ship, the moon slightly silhouetting his body.

"Sleep well, Killian," she responded as strongly as she could. She couldn't be sure, but as his name rolled off of her tongue she could almost make out those two bright blue eyes widening in response.

Without another word she quickly departed down below into the depths of the Jolly Roger.


End file.
